Depression Ruined My Finances

Sooo.. Here is the post I’ve been dreading sharing because Depression indeed ruined my personal finances..

You’re probably curious what my net worth is, how many (and how much!) student loans I have, and what, if any, other debts I have..

So here it is:

My net worth post. The debt post. My “who are you and how do you (not) have any money??” post. The post you all will search for when you reach this blog. The nitty-gritty. The juice. The sauce.

Quick disclaimer: In this post I’ll explain roughly where my current net worth is and how I got there.. and I’ll update it when I audit my whole life for the different types of debt I have. So here we go:

My Financial Net Worth is Less Than -$25,000.

That’s right.

I’m writing about personal finance, and I’m less than broke.

I’m basically the most unqualified person to write about personal finance on the internet right now.

But here I am. Because I’m a bit exasperated with the already wealthy personal finance gurus. I get it. They did it so we can too. But I haven’t seen anyone really walk with me in my journey to not only become debt free, but also achieve financial independence…. while going through school AND

HAVING CLINICAL DEPRESSION is a unique spin on things, too.

In May 2017, I graduated college with about $20,000 in student loans and about ~$2,000 in credit card debt.* I was underemployed for about 7 months after I graduated. I got my “real” first job during the week of Christmas, 2017.

In January 2018 before my first paycheck, I pulled up excel and set in motion some ambitious goals to pay off my student loans within 2 years.

But Shit Happens.

I worked at my day job and then for 2 hours shopping for Instacart before my mental health took a nose dive from burn out after a few months

Additionally, I was very financially and emotionally tied in a relationship. I don’t regret my choices, but I damn sure do not recommend you get financially involved with anyone at this point. The person I was dating was underemployed, still in school, and in some ways financially dependent on me.

You can see where this is going.

I paid my credit card debt off in January and did not have any debt for almost a year… But we’ll get into that later..

Paralegal Jobs Triggered My Depression

My first job was at a small law firm on K street in Washington, DC. My title was “Paralegal/Legal Assistant.” When I was being demeaned or when my compensation was being discussed, I was a legal assistant. When I was tasked with substantial legal work or trotted out in front of clients, I was a paralegal.

That firm was one of the most difficult environments I have ever been a part of, and I quickly plotted my escape within my first 90 days there.

I used Mint.com to track my finances, did not carry balances on my credit cards, and lived within a budget.

 

However, My Life Took a Turn

Mentally I was *sick* and slowly began to not make smart choices. So my finances started getting worse too.

I began to oversleep and take Ubers (My Uber promo code is 76txm if you wanna help ya girl out…) to work to make it there on time (I was still late!).

I did not have the energy to prepare breakfast so I would end up buying a $4 breakfast sandwich.

Also I drank more, buying alcohol at the liquor store and going out for drinks. You get the picture during those 9 months. My depression was untreated and in full force.

I ended up leaving after 9 months, and by that point, I gained *40* pounds and was deeply depressed.

I then got the hell out of dodge and changed jobs! My next job was a smaller law firm in Prince George’s County, Maryland that paid less.. It was not accessible via public transportation AND I DO NOT DRIVE!

So more Ubers..

That job was even more of a mess overall, and I left within 2 months.

During those 2 months, I was driven so miserable that I continued my bad spending habits and racked up more debt..

Now, I work for myself.

Lack of Self-care Made Depression Worse

It would be all too easy for me to blame the jobs entirely, but honestly I was not taking care of myself too.

I put a down payment on a car for the person I was dating at the time.. *cringe*

Grubhub, Doordash, and UberEats all singlehandedly were supported by my one account. *cringe*

I didn’t go to therapy and was not working out regularly.

I continued to gain weight and feel more and more depressed. Those feelings compounded and I ignored my financial reality.

Since I graduated and didn’t have the accessible resources or structure of college, I wasn’t addressing my depression.

I did not have the motivation or will power to address my debt and finances.

And slowly I went from checking my spending and net worth every day to not checking my accounts for months.

I paused my debt-free journey entirely when I started my business. The irregular cash-flow scared me too much so I stocked up on cash during the high months to maintain myself during the low months.

But I really paused my debt-free journey in spirit when I let my depression spiral out of control.

And I’ve basically made no headway on my debt.

Now here I am. Whew!